Managing Stress and Anxiety at Work: Tools for Coping with a Toxic Boss

Dealing with a toxic boss can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't have to take a toll on your mental health.

In this episode, I'm going to share practical tools and techniques to help you manage stress and anxiety at work, even when you're facing a toxic boss.

Hey everybody and welcome back to my channel. I'm Doug Howard and I'm your go to leadership coach and consultant. Here we share weekly insights, tools, and stories to help you level up your leadership skills and improve your workplace experience. If you find value in these videos, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and ring that bell to stay updated on our latest episodes. And if you enjoy this video, make sure you give it a thumbs up.

In this episode, we're going to explore various strategies and techniques for managing stress and anxiety that are all caused by a toxic boss. We're going to look at things from mindfulness exercises to setting boundaries and you're going to learn how to protect your mental health and maintain your productivity too.

Key Traits of a Toxic Boss

Let's start by understanding the impact a toxic boss can have on your mental health and your well being. It's no secret that toxic bosses can create a stressful work environment, but something we don't really consider is how it can lead to increased anxiety, decreased job satisfaction, and overall poor mental health for you.

Some of the most common examples of this are constant criticism from your toxic boss. Where you're receiving negative feedback without any constructive input on how to improve. It's more just complaining about you versus trying to help you do better or trying to help the company in any way.

Another common sign is unrealistic expectations. I went through this a lot, I had some pretty toxic bosses earlier in my career and, they could never quantify what they wanted from me, so they would just tell, you know, more, more, we need to do more. I literally had a year where, I was the department manager and we doubled our engineering department capacity from year over year. When the goal was to just increase it by, 20 percent and we doubled our capacity and I was told at the end of the year, that wasn't enough. We should have done more. Being expected to meet goals or deadlines, having a dangling carrot, that's always moving and you could never catch it.

Another sign is lack of support, not receiving any necessary resources or guidance from your boss on how to complete tasks that you're struggling with.

These are the key signs of a toxic boss and, it might sound like common sense, but I like to start here because recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards addressing the stress and anxiety that they cause.

Tools and Techniques to Manage Stress and Anxiety

Now that you're clear on the impact of a toxic boss, let's dive into some practical tools and techniques that are going to help you manage stress and anxiety at work.

Mindfulness and Meditation

First, let's take a look at mindfulness and meditation. Hear me out even if you've never done meditation before because I never did it in my life until recently and I found it really helpful for me.

The first area I want to take a look at is mindfulness and meditation. So mindfulness and meditation can help reduce stress and improve focus. Here's a few techniques if you're new to it.

One is deep breathing exercises. So this is really simple. You could just practice deep breathing to calm your mind. A good exercise I like to use for deep breathing is called box breathing, where you slowly inhale for four seconds, then you hold it at the top for four seconds, then you slowly exhale for four seconds, then you hold it at the bottom for four seconds. Pay attention to your breath the whole time, as you're slowly counting that 1 all the way to 4 1000.

Doing that just focuses your attention on your breath and it occupies your full attention. I do that, for two or three minutes. Up four, hold four, down four, hold four, over and over again, repeating that cycle. It's a good way to just cleanse your mind and focus on the present.

Another technique is just simple guided meditation. So you can download apps like Headspace or Calm for guided meditation sessions. A good routine that you could do is spend 10 minutes each morning with a guided meditation to start your day. It's a good way to clear your mind.

You could also take mindfulness breaks throughout the day. You could schedule routine breaks during your work day to practice mindfulness. You could spend five minutes focusing on your breath while at your computer, or you could spend five minutes observing your surroundings without judgment.

Another technique you can use for mindfulness is a little technique I call clearing your mental cache. Now this technique involves writing three pages of stream of conscious thoughts first thing in the morning when you wake up. For example, when you wake up, spend ten to fifteen minutes just writing whatever comes to your mind without worrying about grammar or structure or even worrying about if your sentences make sense. They can jump around. This is not journaling. You're just doing this to clear your mind and reduce that mental clutter. You're clearing that mental cache. So what you do is you grab an eight and a half by eleven notebook and you write, stream of conscious thinking for ten to fifteen minutes and you don't stop until you finish three full pages of stream of conscious thinking. Do this exercise once.

I recommend doing it first thing in the morning so that you start with a clear mind, but you can do it at any time during the day, I also recommend doing this technique before going into a meeting. If you need to clear your mind and your mind's really busy thinking about all these to do's you have to do or all these other obligations you have in your life, but it's distracting you from being present in the meeting, you need to focus out, spend five, 10, maybe 15 minutes before that meeting, just clearing your mental cache, info dumping from your brain to a notebook for three straight pages and you're going to find that your attention and your focus is so much better from that. This is a great tool. I use this every day.

One more mindfulness technique I want to give you is called the 5 4 3 2 1 Technique. What this technique does is it helps you ground yourself in the present by engaging all five of your senses. So what you do is you start by focusing on five physical objects around you and noticing their details. Look around your desk, for example, and you notice a pen. Notice the fine details on that pen, notice where the eraser stops and starts, notice the color on it, notice, if there's dirt on the pen. Find five random objects that are in your immediate surroundings and just visually look at them. You're using that vision sense.

After you've done that, then you want to move on to closing your eyes and focusing on feeling sense by focusing on the texture of four different items you can touch. Close your eyes and touch objects on your desk and focus your attention on how hard it is? Or how soft it is? Or does it feel fuzzy? Does it feel rough or abrasive? Or cold or hot? Just really focus on all those physical sensations.

Then move on to identifying three distinct sounds around you. Close your eyes and listen closely, do you notice the sound of your computer running and humming? Do you notice indistinct chatter in the next office over by you? Do you notice raindrops falling? Do you notice the wind? Do you notice leaves rustling? Pay attention to all those little distinct sounds around you and try to define what they are. If you hear a conversation in the next room, try to like really focus in on what's being said, or birds chirping. Try to identify all those sounds, at least three of them.

Then after that, you want to focus on two unique scents. Because you're engaging your sense of smell. So you want to smell around and try to notice two unique scents. You might not be able to do that just by sitting at where you're at. So what you can do is grab two objects. Grab your cup of coffee. Grab a piece of paper. Grab something from your pocket. Whatever it is, find two things and then, just hold them up to your nose and smell them one at a time and just really try to quantify and describe in your mind, what are you smelling? What are the unique hints and smells that you notice there?

Finally, then you want to do the last step, which is taste something. So you want to grab something and eat it. Take a bite of it or take a sip of it and focus on its flavors and just really think about what are all the unique flavors you taste in there.

Now, if you notice, we went 5 4 3 2 1 on each of your senses. This exercise helps you redirect your mind from the stress you're feeling in the moment to being present in the moment because you're focusing on the things that are around you.

These simple mindfulness techniques can significantly reduce stress and help you stay centered throughout your day.

Engage in Physical Activity

The next area I want to take a look at is physical activity. Physical activity is a huge stress reducer and it can have major impacts in a positive way on your mental health. I recommend if you're working in a toxic environment with a toxic boss, make sure you're exercising regularly and you want to incorporate regular exercise into your routine.

If you're not big into exercise, then keep it simple. Go for a 30 minute walk during your lunch break or after work or before work. You can also do stretching, practicing stretching exercises at your desk. Or, doing simple stretches like neck rolls or shoulder shrugs. Doing things like that just helps relieve tension that's built up in the body throughout your day.

This next one, desk exercises, that might sound a little odd, if you're up for it, you can engage in a quick desk exercise to stay active. You could do seated leg raises or desk pushups to keep your body moving. Movement is key. When you're under stress and whatnot, if you don't get blood flowing through you, and if you don't flush that stuff out, it just stays piled up in you. That's why I think it's really important to find ways to incorporate movement into your day.

Manage Your Time Effectively

The next technique I want to look at is time management. Effective time management can help reduce stress by making workloads a lot more manageable for you. It also helps you have a clear understanding of what is on the horizon for you versus it feeling like some insurmountable task. You want to make sure you're prioritizing tasks. Use a to do list to prioritize the task by importance and by deadline. I recommend starting each day by listing your top three priorities and making time for those in the morning, trying to not, eat the frog like they say, try to knock that stuff out right away, so you're not dwelling on it all day or worrying about if you're going to get it done.

You also want to make sure you're setting realistic goals. If you have large tasks that need to be done, make sure you're breaking them down into smaller manageable steps. Take regular breaks. A lot of times we get so focused on our work that we forget to take a little breaks throughout the day that can help us avoid burnout. I recommend a simple technique called the Pomodoro technique. What this is, you do 25 minutes of focused work followed by a 5 minute break. Now, you don't have to follow it specifically like that. I like to use actually 50 minutes on, of a focused deep work session and then I take a 10 minute break. It's all about though, making sure you're not focusing too long and burning out. It's about taking scheduled breaks to cleanse the mind a little bit before you continue moving on.

Effective time management can greatly reduce stress by making your workload more manageable. Now, if you want more time management strategies, check out my episode called 12 Time Management Strategies For Managers. This episode will provide you with practical tips to enhance your productivity and manage your time better.

Seek Support

The next technique I want to talk about is seeking support. Seeking support from colleagues, friends, or professionals is going to help alleviate stress and provide you with different perspectives too. Because, honestly, when you're living in a toxic work environment, and, living in it day to day, sometimes we get blinders on and we don't really see common, simple solutions that we could easily implement because we're so focused on how bad the situation is. So it's good to get out of your head and find other people that you can talk about it with, because a lot of times they're going to see it from a different perspective and they're going to be able to tell you, Hey, have you considered trying this? Or, Hey, maybe it's time to consider looking for a new job. They're going to help you break that cycle of thinking, those thought loops that you have, which is really important for you to break that cycle.

So ways to do this, you could talk to trusted colleagues and share your experiences and seek advice from trusted coworkers. If you're in a really bad situation, you could always seek professional help. You can consider talking to a therapist or a counselor. Another action you could take is you can join support groups. There's a lot of online support groups and forums for people that are dealing with similar toxic work environments. Sometimes it's good to know that other people are dealing with the same situation so you don't feel like you're alone or feeling like that there's no way out.

Building a support system is crucial for managing stress. If you're the type of person who doesn't feel comfortable with reaching out to people, because it feels awkward, you should check out my episode called How To Quickly Build Relationships With Anyone. This video is going to give you practical tips for how to connect with other people in a way that feels comfortable to you.

Engage in Creative Activities

The next technique I want to take a look at is finding creative outlets. Engaging in creative activities can help relieve stress and provide a sense of accomplishment. So some techniques for this would be journaling. Writing about your thoughts and writing about your feelings, which is going to help you process them. For example, you could spend 10 minutes each evening journaling about how your day went and how you felt about it. Or if you're training at a new job, a journal on what did you learn today? What could you do differently tomorrow? How could you use the things you learned today in future situations, right? Reflecting on things. This helps you process things that are unclear, but it also helps you absorb things that you just learned.

Another technique you could do, explore artistic activities, so if you're really creative and you feel like you haven't been having enough creative outlets, engage in drawing or painting or crafting. Find a do it yourself craft project, whatever it is, if you've got the itch to do that type of thing, or even if you're not sure, dedicate some time each week to a new creative hobby that you enjoy.

Another good creative outlet is music, a lot of people were in band in high school or orchestra in high school. They learned how to play an instrument and they haven't touched it since, or maybe you've always wanted to learn how to play an instrument and you just never took action towards that. Whatever it is, that music is a great way to boost your mood and relax the mind and ease tension. Whether you. used to know how to play an instrument, pick it up and start playing around with it. Or if you've always wanted to learn how to play the piano, go buy a cheap keyboard and take some lessons online real quick and then learn how to play your favorite song. You're going to find that this is a quick way to make you feel productive. It's going to help you escape. It's going to help you feel relaxed and it's going to uplift your mood.

If you're not interested in learning how to play a music instrument, then, just simply create a playlist of your favorite calming songs, or maybe your favorite songs that lift your mood. I'm sure you have songs that automatically get you in the right mood. Create a playlist of that and then listen to those songs during work breaks. Or listen to that playlist during moments of stress, cause then it'll help ease that tension and calm your mind. Whatever you do, engaging in creative activities not only helps reduce stress, but it also helps you bring joy and a sense of achievement into your day.

Use Humor and Laughter

The next technique is my favorite and that's humor and laughter. Now it's scientifically proven that laughter reduces stress hormones and it increases endorphins, which improves your mood and it improves your resilience and adaptability. How do you actually take advantage of this? When you're not at work, spend time watching comedy movies. Make a list of your favorite movies or TV shows or find new funny movies and TV shows. You could do that after work, watching movies or throughout the day, take a short break and watch a comedy click on YouTube or on Tik TOK, just to lighten your mood.

Another way to utilize this technique is find funny people that are around you in the office and socialize with them. Every office has someone who's funny or silly. Maybe they have a dark sense of humor, or maybe they're the class clown but find people that, you find humorous or that other people find humorous and try to spend time with those people who make you laugh. Go to lunch with them or, take a coffee break with them or just stop by their office to chat. If there's someone around you that typically puts you in a good mood, take advantage of that. Try to make time to be around them each day for a little bit, cause it's only going to help you. Humor and laughter are powerful tools for reducing your stress and improving your overall outlook on life.

Set Boundaries

The last technique I want to explore is setting boundaries. Setting boundaries can help protect your mental health and prevent burnout. Now ways to effectively set boundaries. You want to start by defining your work hours. A lot of times we fall into this trap of just working indefinitely and not really having a clear start and end point. You want to make sure you're setting clear work hours and sticking to them. Log off from your work email and stop checking it after 5 p. m. if that's your cutoff time. Stop responding to texts that are work related after a certain time each day and also don't feel compelled to respond to work emails before your start time each day.

Another way to, to implement this is by communicating your boundaries. So if you have a toxic boss or you're in a toxic work environment, a lot of times, we let people walk on us because we're not communicating our boundaries but when you clearly communicate your boundaries to your boss and your colleagues, it's going to make a big difference.

A simple way to do this is by, politely declining tasks that are beyond your capacity and giving them an explanation of it. Hey I'm sorry. I'd love to help you with this, but I'm afraid I'm not qualified for that. Or that's out of my wheelhouse or I don't have the bandwidth to take that on right now. Speak up for yourself and there's nothing wrong with communicating assertively like that and communicating your boundaries effectively.

Another one. This is a big miss by most people. Make sure you're taking your personal time. You get PTO and you get vacation days, make sure you have the time for yourself outside of work. Use that time, you have it, so to don't be afraid to request those vacation days and take it.

If you need a mental health day, use a PTO day for that because your company is not going to force you to take those days, so you need to be true to yourself and you need to make sure that you're holding yourself to take those days when you need them.

Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your mental health and ensuring you don't burn out from work related stress. Implementing these tools consistently can make a significant difference in managing stress and anxiety. It's important to find what works best for you and then integrate it into your daily routine.

To recap everything we just discussed, managing stress and anxiety caused by a toxic boss involves understanding the impact, practicing mindfulness and meditation, engaging in physical activity, managing your time effectively, seeking support, engaging in creative activities, using humor and laughter, and setting boundaries. By applying these tools and techniques, you can protect your mental health and improve your overall well being at work.

But, knowing how to set boundaries is crucial to managing stress and dealing with difficult people. For more in depth strategies on setting boundaries, you should check out my episode called, How to Set Boundaries with Difficult People. This video will provide you with essential tools to maintain your sanity and productivity in challenging situations.

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