From Peer to Leader: Building Trust & Respect with Your Former Colleagues

Are you a new manager who's still getting used to the feeling of your former colleagues calling you boss?

Suddenly you're responsible for leading the team that you used to hang out with after work and gossip with about work problems.

All of this makes navigating this shift a little tricky for you. Maybe you're worried. They don't respect your qualifications, or perhaps now that you're in the role, you're sensing some sort of resentment towards you.

Trust me, you're not alone. Building trust and respect with former colleagues is a common challenge for new managers, but don't worry because in this episode, we're going to dive into a few proven strategies to help you navigate this transition.

We're going to talk about communication techniques that quickly build trust, and we're going to talk about collaboration tactics that leverage your team's unique strengths. Last but not least, we're also going to talk about leadership approaches that earn respect even from former peers that you didn't get along with.

Before we get too far, I want to quickly introduce myself for those of you who are new to the channel. Hey everyone. I'm Doug Howard and I'm a leadership coach and consultant and I use this channel to help leaders like you level up your leadership skills by teaching you how to master the people side of management. If you're looking for leadership tips, tricks, and real world advice, make sure you hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode.

Making the Transition from Peer to Leader

Getting back to your promotion predicament. How do we build trust and respect with former colleagues when you're suddenly becoming their boss?

Let's start by facing the simple fact that things are different now. It's not the same and there's no going back. You're not going to be grabbing lunch together and complaining about the boss together or complaining about the company or complaining about that stupid policy anymore together because you can't. You got to be above that. There's a new hierarchy and it's natural for your team members to feel some apprehension or even a little bit like you stole their parking spot. They might wonder if you have the experience to lead them effectively, or maybe they're worried about favoritism or how team dynamics will change.

I know that when I first moved into my leadership position, I was worried about these things too. On the one hand, there was some guys that I was really close with. We ate lunch together every day. Then all of a sudden I'm their boss. I could, sense some resentment in their voice when they're cynically calling me boss, you got it boss. Yes, sir and saying things like that to me, which I was not trying to, have them call me that, but they were doing it. They didn't like me reviewing their performance when we were peers and worked on a lot of projects together.

On the other hand, there was one person on my team that I did not get along with when I was their peer. They had worked at the company at least five to six years longer than me. But when I was hired, this person trained me and once we were peers, we ended up butting heads a lot. He had different opinions on a lot of projects than me. We know we had different skills and strengths and very different personalities that made us butt heads a lot. When I moved into the role, I could tell that he was worried. I was going to hold that against him or take it out on him, or maybe hold a grudge against him. I can sense that.

But here's the thing for you as a manager, you need to be aware of these types of dynamics and you need to acknowledge these concerns. That's the key. You gotta be open and honest about the transition and you have to assure them that you're there to guide each one of them and the entire team to success.

Avoid These Common Mistakes from New Managers

Before we dive into how you can begin building trust and respect with your team, I want to take a step back and talk about some common pitfalls that you might encounter because by understanding these common mistakes, you can avoid them. That's going to make a smoother course into this transition for you.

Mistake number one is the buddy trap. Before you're the manager, remember those times that you and your colleagues would commiserate about the boss over beers, or you would complain about how you were working too many hours or that, that silly process that didn't make sense or, whatever. You would talk about that together openly and freely and commiserate over it.

It's going to be tempting for you to maintain that type of camaraderie in your management role, because you don't want to look like you're part of the problem or you're part of management and you don't get it. You don't want to look like you've drank the kool aid or anything like that so it's going to be tempting for you to want to maintain that type of relationship with the people that you did have that relationship with before.

But remember, you're the manager now. So you need to set boundaries on that. That's the key. If you're trying to be friends with your team all the time and maintain that type of relationship you used to have, it's going to make it very difficult for you to enforce expectations and address performance issues with your team. A lot of managers struggle with this and if you struggle with setting boundaries with people like this, you should check out my episode called How To Set Boundaries With Difficult People.

Mistake number two is micromanaging. Remember, when you were an individual contributor, there's a good chance the biggest frustration you had with your boss was that they micromanaged you. Anyone who's worked for a micromanager knows that, you hate that. You really resent your boss, and that's the fastest way to lose credibility with your team. Don't be that boss.

Instead use the fact that you were peers with everyone on the team and you have a better understanding of their unique skills, strengths, and weaknesses. You want to use that to delegate tasks effectively and empower them to make decisions.

Micromanaging is only going to stifle creativity and it's going to continue demotivating your team. If delegation is not a strength of yours, go check out my episode called Delegate Anything In Five Simple Steps. I'll include a link to that episode in the description below.

Mistake number three is the fear factor. Maybe now that you're in this leadership role, maybe you're worried about asserting your authority, or maybe you're worried about questioning the work of your former peers, especially if you have a senior person on your team, someone that has a lot more experience than you.

Here's the thing. Constructive criticism is essential for growth, so you can't be afraid to provide feedback in a professional and respectful manner. Remember, your goal is to help them excel, not to crush their spirits. If you want to level up your skills in this area, be sure to check out my episode called How To Give Constructive Feedback Without The Stress. I included a link to this episode in the description below as well.

Building Trust and Respect with Former Colleagues

Avoiding these common mistakes, it's a great first step, but now let's talk about building trust and respect with your former colleagues.

Communication is your best friend here. So schedule regular one on one meetings with each person on your team to check in with them. You want to encourage open communication both ways. Don't limit them. Don't mute them. Don't tell them they're wrong or anything like that. You want to have them feel comfortable with sharing things openly and freely with you, even if they disagree with the things you're proposing. Or even if they have constructive feedback for you and your management style during this transition.

The main goal in these one on one meetings during this transition period is to let them know that you're there to listen to their concerns, their ideas, and instead of just giving orders and directions to them one way.

The other thing you want to keep in mind is that regular team meetings are also going to be your best friend. So make sure you're holding team meetings to discuss projects, goals, and any roadblocks that might be hindering your progress. You want to keep that continuous communication going on during this transition so that you're present with your team instead of them kind of making assumptions about your leadership style.

I made this mistake when I moved into my first management role. My thought was, okay, I need to stay busy. I need to keep things moving. I need to keep my head down and work. I wasn't afraid of putting in extra hours, but I wasn't putting in that time that I needed to do with that continuous communication.

It leaves it open for people to make assumptions about what I'm working on, if I'm working on the right things. By keeping that continuous communication, both in one on one and in group settings, your team is going to get a better feel of what your leadership style is like, and you're going to get more sample sizes and data sizes for you to adapt your leadership style, to be a better leader and more effective leader for them.

The whole thing here is creating transparency because this transparency is going to help accelerate the time it takes for you to build trust and ensure that everyone is moving together in the same direction, which is key.

Now, like I said before, there's a careful balance here. Don't fall into the trap of micromanaging, which is a common tendency for new managers. Remember that these were your colleagues and you know them very well. You know what their talents are. You know that they're experienced. And because you've worked alongside with them, you should have a good handle on their strengths and their weaknesses and their capabilities. Take advantage of that insight and that intel that you have by empowering them to take ownership of their tasks and by involving them in decision making processes.

This is a big mistake that a lot of managers do is they don't ask for opinions from their people on their team. Hey, what do you think we should do about this? Make sure you're getting their input because that's a great way for them to want to buy into your leadership style.

I'd like to think of it like you're the captain of a ship. You're gonna be the one that's charting the course for the boat or the ship, but you wanna give your crew the freedom to navigate. So show each person on your team that you value their expertise and their input. Actively seek out their ideas and feedback. Don't forget to give credit where credit is due. That's a fast way to lose all the progress you're gonna make in this area.

Instead, make sure you acknowledge their contributions and that you showcase how their unique experience benefits the entire team. This is not only going to boost morale, but it's also going to lead to better outcomes on projects and goals and initiatives that you're working on. Remember, two heads are always better than one. Even if those heads used to prank you in the break room.

The next thing I want to talk about is leading by example. Because there's a right and a wrong way to do this. You want to be the kind of leader that you would want to work for. That's something that I always kept in mind when I was in a management position. I worked for good managers, and I worked for bad managers, and I worked for a lot of managers that were somewhere in between the two.

I always looked at, okay, these are the things I did not like about the managers I worked for, so I made sure I was not doing those types of things. But on the other hand, I thought about what were the things I liked the most about the leaders I worked for and I made sure that I was being an exemplary of those types of qualities for my team.

This might vary for you as far as what type of leader do you want to work for? But I recommend making sure that you're fair and you're ethical and that you're demonstrating the type of work ethic that you expect from your team. You want to think of it like you're setting the standard for your team.

Highlighting your commitment to fairness and your commitment to creating a positive work environment is going to go a long way in earning your team's respect because when you treat everyone with respect, they're going to be a lot more likely to return that respect to you quickly.

Setting Clear ExpecTations with Your Team

The next thing I want to talk about is setting clear expectations with your team.

Continuing with that analogy of you being the captain and you're charting the course, but you want to give your team the freedom to navigate. There's a balance there, right? You don't want to give unclear expectations and you don't want to leave your team adrift without a map, essentially. So you want to outline performance expectations and goals very transparently.

To help you figure out how to do this the right way, think back to times when you got work dumped on you at the last moment. Maybe you and a colleague had to stay up all night working, scrambling on to get a project done on time because the project requirements weren't clear. You weren't given clear direction. You want to avoid that by making sure you're setting crystal clear goals for each team member and making sure that you're checking in with them to make sure that communication was clear.

Again, overcommunication is very important when you're making this transition because you want to ensure that everyone understands their role and how their work contributes to the bigger picture and the company goals.

Maintaining a professional relationship with each person on your team is also key. It's okay to still remain friendly and have that friendly rapport with your team, but it's also important for you to establish professional boundaries.

Continuing with the captain analogy, think of it like there needs to be a code on the ship, right? There needs to be a standard. There needs to be some type of established order on the ship to avoid mutiny, right? But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a beer together after a successful project. It just means there needs to be some type of clear established boundaries with what you are and aren't willing to talk about with them or share with them. But it doesn't mean, being a cold boss.

Addressing Challenges and Conflicts Head On

On that note, if you encounter conflict or resentment from your team, don't ignore it. You need to address it directly and head on, and you need to handle it professionally as well. So when this happens, make sure you schedule a private conversation with them right away and make it your goal to understand the root cause of what their issue is. That way, then you can work towards a solution but don't try to pre solve the problem or pre address it.

Again, going back to what I said earlier in this video, your goal should just be to understand the problem and create a safe space for them to feel comfortable with sharing the problem with you. Remember, open and honest communication is your best friend, and it's actually like your compass because it's going to help you navigate any challenges that come up.

Bonus Tips for Becoming a Great Manager

Now, here's some bonus tips to help you become a great manager.

I highly recommend scheduling team building activities to foster camaraderie and break down any remaining barriers. Celebrate successes together to boost morale and show your appreciation for the team. Lastly, make sure you're patient. That's it. Building trust and respect does take time, but with consistent effort, you can create a strong and successful team.

To recap everything we just discussed, building trust and respect with your former colleagues is essential for a smooth transition for you into that leadership position and a smooth transition for your team to get used to you being their boss. By focusing on clear communication, collaboration, leading by example, setting clear expectations, and maintaining professional boundaries, you can establish a strong foundation for a positive and productive work environment. With the right approach and a commitment to open communication, you can create a strong and successful team, even when your team is full of former colleagues.

But what do you do when you have a senior employee on your team who's being very difficult with you? In my episode called How To Deal With A Difficult Employee As A New Manager, I share a real life story from when I first became an engineering manager. At the time, one of my senior engineer direct reports wasn't on the same page with me to put it nicely. I'm going to walk you through the steps I took to earn their trust, gain their buy in, and ultimately build a strong working relationship with them. This video is going to save you a lot of time and stress and figuring out how to navigate these types of situations. I hope you check out that episode right now. Thanks for watching.

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