10 Ways to Accelerate Your Personal Growth | Advice From an Engineering Manager! [Escape Your Comfort Zone - Part 2 of 2]
If you're comfortable right now, that should be a big red flag because going outside of your comfort zone is the best way to grow, gain perspective, discover new opportunities, and enhance the overall quality of your life.
But actually going outside of your comfort zone is a lot easier said than done, which is why I'm gonna show you 10 ways to break outta your comfort zone.
Stay tuned.
I'll quickly introduce myself so you're not wondering who is this guy and why should I listen to him?
I'm Doug Howard. I'm a licensed structural engineer and an engineering manager, and my biggest passion is helping engineers like you build all the non-engineering skills that you need to elevate your life personally and professionally.
In fact, it's why I started this YouTube channel. So if you're an engineer who's looking to take control of building the career that you deserve and the career that you want, you're gonna wanna hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss out on any tools, insights, and techniques that will put your engineering career on an accelerated path.
I release a new episode each week, and in today's episode I'm gonna explain a real life example of how going outside of your comfort zone can quickly transform your life. I'm also gonna explain 10 ways for you to become more comfortable with going outside of your comfort zone.
In my last video, which was part one of this two-part series on going outside of your comfort zone, I cleared up misconceptions about the comfort zone by explaining what it actually is, how it can ruin you, and why people are afraid to go outside of their comfort zone.
If you missed it, I recommend going back and watching it before you watch this episode because it will give you a lot more context and backstory behind the exercises that we're gonna do in this episode. But you can always watch it after this video as well. Just click HERE to catch up.
Dan's Story
Let's begin with the story that inspired me to create these two episodes about going outside of your comfort zone. It happened a few weeks ago. A former client of mine named Dan, reached out to me for advice on career pivoting. Dan had an offer for a new job, and he was struggling to decide between taking the new job or sticking with his current job.
He had been with this current company for over five years, he was already well established and experienced in that job. He didn't love the job, but it paid pretty well, he knew what to expect , and he could basically do the job in his sleep.
He also enjoyed the people he worked with. He really liked the people on the team, and it was really close to his house. He only had to drive about 10 minutes to work, which was really convenient. Basically, his current job was very comfortable, safe, and predictable.
On the other hand, the new job was almost the exact opposite. This new position offered him an opportunity for major growth by pivoting his career in an entirely different field of engineering that he was a lot more passionate about and a lot more interested in.
With no real experience in that area, he was barely qualified to take even an entry level role in that field. But for the heck of it, he kept his eyes open by just casually searching on, websites like Monster.com and Jobs.com each night just to see if there was anything that he thought he could be qualified for.
He eventually found a job that didn't require much experience, but it was located in Philadelphia. So instead of a 10 minute commute to work, he'd actually have to take a 90 minute train ride to work in the morning and home from work at the end of the day. He applied figuring he probably wouldn't get an interview since he lacked the experience and he lived so far.
But sure enough, he did get an interview and after the interview he got an offer.
When he reached out to me, he said he was asking for help on deciding about which job to take, sticking with the current job or taking the new job offer. But what he was really asking for help with was making the choice between maintaining the order of his comfort zone by staying in a safe and predictable job.
He was trying to decide between that or disrupting the order of his comfort zone by introducing new complexities, challenges, and unknowns into his life and to help him make the right decision. I asked him this, imagine you're 80 years old right now, and you're looking back on your career and reflecting on the choices you've made. Which scenario would you be more regretful about?
Scenario one is, playing it safe and continuing to work in a job that doesn't really stimulate or challenge you. And, every day feels the same, but it's safe and it's secure.
Or scenario two, which is taking a chance on a rare opportunity that gets you excited, gives you plenty of room to grow, and it's directly in line with your passion.
When we left the call, he was leaning towards taking the new job, but he wasn't sure. He told me he was gonna sleep on it. After that, I didn't hear from him for about two months, but when he followed up with me, I could tell he was re-energized. It was like I was talking to a completely different person. He wouldn't stop talking about how great the new job is and how well he was doing in the new job. And he couldn't stop talking about how fast he was learning and how much he enjoyed working with the people on his new team. One of his biggest concerns before he took the job was the commute.
But he was actually finding ways to use that time more productively. to catch up on emails and texts, to take care of online errands.
And this was actually a big help, because he was batching all this stuff during his commute. So by the time he got home, he was a lot more present with his wife and his family.
Dan's Biggest Takeaways
When I asked him what he learned from this whole experience, he told me, I'm never gonna let myself get too comfortable again. From now on, I'm using comfort as a red flag to let me know that I've outgrown my current situation, which means I need to go outside of my comfort zone and find something else to grow into.
I was being so cautious and avoiding risk for so long, which prevented me from seeing opportunities, experiencing new things, and growing, and it's all because I was scared to go outside of my comfort zone.
And the last thing he told me was this.
He said, always bet on yourself. No matter. And trust your ability to figure anything out.
And he's right. Problem solving is in our DNA. So instead of letting fear of the unknown hold you back, start trusting your ability to adapt to the situation and trust your ability to figure out the solutions to any unexpected problems you're gonna face.
If you're not ready to jump into the deep end just yet, that's okay because I'm gonna give you 10 exercises that you can use to get more comfortable with going outside of your comfort zone.
But before you do, I wanna know if you find it helpful to hear stories like Dan's, because if you do, I'll be sure to include more in my future episodes. Just let me know by hitting that LIKE button.
1) Three Second Rule
The first exercise is called the Three Second Rule. I use the three second rule on making inconsequential decisions, like RSVPing to an event that you're on the fence about attending.
It's pretty simple. Just give yourself three seconds to make the decision.
The idea here is to make your move right away, because in those first few seconds, you can still lean on the impulse of your emotions to make you do it.
Think of it like when you're about to jump into a pool. At first you want to do it, but the longer you think about it, the harder it gets to actually get the nerve to jump in. And this happens because logic starts to kick in and logic can find a way to talk you out of doing it. But you gotta remember, logic isn't always right because as a human, you're hardwired to avoid risks.
Which means your brain will easily find logical reasons to avoid making any risky moves, and it will always encourage you to play it safe. That's why it's best to do it right away before there's enough time, or any time for that matter, to talk yourself out of it. Again, this is best for decisions that don't have a huge risk, but for bigger decisions, you'll want to use the next exercise.
2) Ask These 3 Questions
Exercise two is called Three Questions. If you're struggling to make a decision, should I start looking for a new job? Do this, grab a journal and answer these three questions. The first question is, what's stopping me from making this move?
The second question is, what does my life look like in six weeks, six months, six years or 60 years? What does my life look like if I don't take action?
Okay, the third question you want to answer is, what does my life look like in six weeks, six months, six years, or 60 years? What does it look like if I do take action?
Exploring these questions through journaling shifts your perspective and it helps you uncover the root of what's really holding you back in these situations.
3) Make a Move!
If you're still stuck after doing this, try out this next exercise, which is called Make a Move - Any Move.
Think about this. A car that stays parked in the driveway doesn't go anywhere, but movement, even in the wrong direction, is better than no movement at all. Because once the car starts moving, it's easier to continue moving. And even if the car goes in the wrong direction, it can always turn around and course correct.
Now, in other words, what I'm saying is if you don't know what to do, or if you don't know what decision to make, put a deadline or a time limit on how long you're gonna let yourself contemplate and overanalyze that decision. And then when the deadline hits, Make A Move, Any Move.
Even if it's a bad move, you can always recover and regroup because remember, you're a natural problem solver. And in fact, you're a great problem solver if you're an engineer.
4) Rubber Band Test
The next exercise, number four, I call it the Rubber Band Test. Use this exercise when you're struggling to gauge the risk level of the decision you're trying to to make. Here's how it works. Think of a rubber band. If you don't have enough tension on the rubber band, the rubber band is too loose and it can't really hold anything together, which makes it pointless and useless. Now, on the other hand, if you have too much tension on a rubber band, it eventually snaps and breaks and it's still useless because you can't really fix it.
The sweet spot for a rubber band is when you have some tension in the rubber band. Enough tension to stretch it pretty good without breaking it. This is where you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, but not beyond your limits.
To gauge this, consider the potential consequences of the decision you're evaluating. What would it take to recover from the worst case consequences of this decision? Are there any consequences that are irreversible? If taking this risk allows you to bend without breaking like a rubber band, then I say, go for it.
These first four exercises are for helping you go outside of your comfort zone in the moment, when you're evaluating a decision and you're kind of stuck. But the remaining six exercises are for increasing your tolerance for discomfort and helping you get more comfortable with going outside of your comfort zone.
5) Creepy eye contact
The fifth exercise, I call it Creepy Eye Contact.
Have you ever noticed how awkward it feels when you make incidental eye contact with a stranger? It's actually one of the more uncomfortable things you can do, which is why intentionally making eye contact with a stranger is actually, a great warmup exercise for you, and it's really simple. The next time you're in a public place where you don't know anybody, like a grocery store, look for a stranger to intentionally make eye contact. Look directly at the person's face until they make eye contact with you. And when they do keep making eye contact until they look away. Once they look away, the exercise is complete and you can move on. But if they keep staring at you longer and they don't eventually look away, then here's what you should do.
Cause you don't wanna be a weirdo.
If they keep staring at you, make eye contact for a few seconds longer. Then to avoid creeping out the stranger, you can make a friendly comment like, “Hey, I'm sorry about staring over here. I thought you were my friend and I was trying to get your attention.”
Keep it light, keep it simple. Apologize and move on.
Do this exercise at least once a day for seven days.
6) Talk to Strangers
The next exercise also involves interacting with strangers. Exercise number six is Start a Conversation With A Stranger. Now, don't overcomplicate this one. Pick a random stranger to start a conversation with. If you're in line at the grocery store, ask the person in front of you for feedback on something in their cart. "Hey, sorry to bug you, but I was thinking about buying that beer. How do you like it?" Another easy way to strike up a conversation is to offer a compliment about this person's makeup or jewelry their hairstyle, shoes, clothing, whatever.
You could say something like, “Hey, I love those shoes. If you don't mind me asking, where did you find them?”
By the way, if you're a little shy and awkward when it comes to introducing yourself to people, then go check out my episode called “The Best Way To Introduce Yourself In Any Setting”. Just click on the link in the description.
This episode offers a three-step formula that you can follow so that you don't waste energy overanalyzing what to say during an introduction.
Now having said all that, getting back to the exercise of talking to strangers. The goal of this exercise isn't to make a new friend or to lead an invigorating conversation or anything like that. If it happens, great. In this exercise, I don't want you to stress over things like being boring or weird because the real purpose of this exercise is for you to become more comfortable with going outside of your comfort zone.
7) Change it Up!
Exercise number seven is called Throw A Change Up. The main theme of the comfort zone is predictability and little variance, but you can break up the order by making changes to your daily routine and how far you take it is completely up to you. Take a look at your daily routine and look for opportunities to make small, medium, or big changes to the routine.
These tweaks aren't permanent though. Think of it like an experiment that you're trying out for three to five days, and if you don't like it afterwards, you can always go back to doing it the old way. I recommend starting with small tweaks, like brushing your teeth before breakfast instead of after breakfast. Or maybe you want to take your shower in the evening instead of in the morning.
Then you can work your way up to medium level changes in your routine, like skipping Netflix for a few nights in exchange for reading a book or rearranging furniture in your office or in a room in your house. Eventually you can try big changes like riding your bike or using public transportation to get to work instead of driving your car.
8) Normalize Rejection
Exercise number eight is called Normalize Rejection. One of the biggest reasons we stay in our comfort zone and we don't try anything new is because of our natural fear of being rejected. Take a moment to think about a few things you want to do but haven't accomplished yet, or haven't done.
Why haven't you taken action?
Why haven't you done these things?
There's probably a good chance that it's because of your fear of rejection. We don't apply for the job, we don't ask for a raise, we don't go talk to an attractive stranger because we're worried about being rejected. But rejection is a natural part of life, and reflecting on rejection usually provides us with the best opportunities to grow and to learn, which is why normalizing rejection is absolutely critical for your success and your development and your personal and professional growth.
If you need help with normalizing rejection, here's some good exercises that you can try out. First, you can ask a stranger to borrow $50. Now, when you do this, don't lie. Don't offer any like compelling reason for why you need the money. Approach a stranger and ask them if you can borrow $50 and be prepared to hear them say no.
The next exercise you can try is ask for a 50% discount. So you can do this when you're checking out at the cash register at a store. Just ask the clerk for a 50% discount on a particular item. When the clerk asks you, “why?”, just say, “because I think it should be 50% off.” Again, be prepared for them to say no.
Another thing you can do is you can request a sandwich refill. So when you finish your meal at a restaurant, ask the server for a sandwich refill. Just say, “Hey, can you refill my drink and my sandwich?” If they think you're joking, say, “I thought free refills were included. Can you please just refill my sandwich?”
Keep doing this until you get them to say no.
Another thing you can do is ask the person in front of you if you can skip them in line. This could be any line, a TSA check-in line, it could be to get into a concert, the checkout line at the grocery store.
Ask the person in front of you if you can skip them. If they ask you “why?”, again, don't offer a valid reason, don't try to convince them.
Just say, “because I'd like to know if I can skip you in line.” If they let you skip, then ask the next person if you can skip and keep going and keep asking people until someone tells you no.
Another exercise you could try is asking a stranger for food. When you're at a restaurant, approach another table and ask someone at the table if you can have some of the food off their table. Just say, “Hey, can I have a slice of that?” And again, be prepared for them to say no.
I think this goes without saying, but please use your best judgment when you're interacting with strangers.
For example, if your waiter is getting flustered, when you ask him for a sandwich refill back off and try this exercise on someone else. We're not trying to upset other people or get other people angry.
By the way, if you're an engineer who's interested in personal growth and development, then you're gonna want to hit that subscribe button right now so you don't miss out on any tools, techniques, tips, or insights from my weekly episodes.
9) Make a Decision
The ninth exercise you can use for going outside of your comfort zone is called Make A Decision.
Anytime you have the opportunity to make an inconsequential decision, that's a decision that has no real consequences, I want you to think about it for a moment, then go with your gut and make a decision as fast as you can.
This goes for any type of decision, like picking a show to watch on Netflix, or deciding what you want to eat for lunch or dinner, or choosing if you're gonna stop at the bank before or after the grocery store on your way home from work. And if this is a decision that impacts other people, then I want you to be the first person in the group to propose a decision.
For example, if everyone in the group is trying to decide on what time you guys should meet, then you should propose 2:00 PM. Whatever you do, don't say, “I don't care. Whatever you want.”, because the goal of this exercise is for you to make a decision and for you to get comfortable with making decisions, and it's also for you to be okay with making the wrong decision because again, these are inconsequential decisions that don't matter.
Do this for an entire week.
10) Give Yourself a Challenge
Last but not least, the 10th exercise for going outside of your comfort zone. I call it - give yourself a 10 Day Discomfort Challenge.
Here's how it works. Write down a list of 20 things that you can do every day that make you feel uncomfortable. Here's a few examples. Taking a cold shower, keeping your zoom camera on during your entire work meeting, calling someone on the phone instead of texting or emailing them, waking up an hour earlier, sitting in complete silence, recording yourself talk on video and then watching it. Create a list of 20 things. Then do two things from this list each day over the next 10 days, and by day 10, you should have knocked out the entire 20 point list.
If you're serious about self-development and self-growth, then you need to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone, and you can use these 10 exercises to get started. But do you have any other suggestions for how to go outside of your comfort zone?
Let me know your best tips, techniques, and suggestions in the comments. Thanks for watching.
